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The Ten Commandments of Clang

Discussion in 'General' started by Thrak, Jun 28, 2017.

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This last post in this thread was made more than 31 days old.
  1. Thrak Junior Engineer

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    535
    And lo, Clang called the Engineer to the mountaintop, and He spoke to the Engineer from a burning missile turret. And He gave unto the Engineer two gas bottles, saying:

    "Upon these bottles, one of oxygen, one of hydrogen (I know they look almost identical, but thou must trust Me!), I have written My laws and commandments, so that thou may teach the people." And upon the bottles was written this...

    1) I am the Lord thy Clang. Thou shalt have no other Clang before me.

    2) Thou shall not make unto thee any graven image combining rotor and piston or piston and landing gear. Dude, I am serious about this one....

    3) Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy Clang in vain.

    4) Remember the day of update, to keep it holy (or wholly frustrating; the choice is thine). Six days shall thou labor on thy ships and stations, but on the seventh day, thou shalt rest and await hotfixes.

    5) Honor thy developer and thy modder, so that thy life may be long in the land Clang has given unto thee.

    6) Thou shalt not kill the speed barrier of 100 m/s, or I shall wreak Havok upon thee and thine.

    7) Thou shalt not steal (without hacking first).

    8) Thou shalt not commit adultery (without hacking first).

    9) Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor on the Forums, nor on the Tube of You, nor on the place of great Twitching.

    10) Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's large grid, nor his small, nor thy neighbor's oxygen generator, nor his assembler.
     
    Last edited: Jun 29, 2017
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  2. SpecFrigateBLK3 Senior Engineer

    Messages:
    1,133
    May Clang watch over you from very far away, for to look upon his countenance inspires horror.
     
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  3. Thrak Junior Engineer

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    535
    "And the people said to the Engineer, "Tell us what the Lord Clang has said. Don't let him speak to us, for His voice will make us die."
     
  4. SpecFrigateBLK3 Senior Engineer

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    1,133
    And the Engineer replied thusly, "The Will of Clang is mysterious and chaotic like the void, and -"
    (The rest is ground smooth, replaced by the word #evil.)
     
  5. GrindyGears Senior Engineer

    Messages:
    1,787
    Huh...

    I sorta always considered myself to be a High priest of Clang, reigning in those who dare preach against the true possibilities of single player creations...

    "I must beg your forgiveness my lord, for I have committed heresy in thy name. For it is I, who have not a regard for my own well being in breaking your sacred second commandment.... The true strength of the class three lever was too great a temptation, oh lord clang, please forgive me for my abominations and accept them into your flock of mecha-sheep"
     
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  6. SpecFrigateBLK3 Senior Engineer

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    1,133
    And lo, the faint of heart did fall to the planet's core when sighting such heresy, lo did they fall unto death, to be delivered once more by the Holy Bay of Respawn.
     
  7. Hotshot Jimmy Senior Engineer

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    1,500
    So is this how religions pop up? :D
     
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  8. Morloc Apprentice Engineer

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    256
    Now do the Pillars of Islam!

    [​IMG]


    -Morloc
     
  9. damoran Junior Engineer

    Messages:
    608
    Yea pretty sure this is exactly how it happens.

    Bunch of nerds with too much time on their hands, trying to explain things they don't understand, imagining some supernatural entity is somehow controlling the incomprehensible vastness of the universe or in this case game code.

    ...and now we have his commandments...can't wait for the bible on how to actually use rotors and pistons without incurring the wrath of Clang, that'll save many players.

    next thing you know we'll have a ceremonial eating of rotor/piston shaped bread and powder drink calling it the "body and blood of clang", or in this case:

    [​IMG] [​IMG]
     
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  10. SpecFrigateBLK3 Senior Engineer

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    1,133
    But Communion "brings us closer to Christ," and we want Lord Clang to rule from very far away.
     
  11. [flux] Trainee Engineer

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    69
    Xocliw 1:31
    Clang saw all that He had made, and behold, it was very good. And there was evening and there was morning, the sixth day.

    Give thanks and pray. Save and press y
     
    Last edited: Jun 30, 2017
  12. dispair Apprentice Engineer

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    252
    Man, that was some good stuff. 4 ftw.
     
  13. Thrak Junior Engineer

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    535
    I think Clang is much more Old Testament in temperment.
     
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  14. Ronin1973 Master Engineer

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    4,799
    Though I walk through the valley of Klang, I shall fear no update.
    Thy hotfix and bug report be my shield.
     
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  15. SpecFrigateBLK3 Senior Engineer

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    1,133
    I can't think of any counterpoint and I had come to that conclusion myself. Let us pray that the great Final Release will come in our lifetimes and bring true salvation from Clang's wrath.
     
  16. Sirhan Blixt Apprentice Engineer

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    457
    The Ten C-lang-ments?
     
  17. Malware Master Engineer

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    9,601
    Heathens!!! Heathens and ignorants!!! Clang hath no commandments, Clang cares naught for thee nor thy machinations!

    Clang the Clangian, Clang the Destructor, Maddener and Saltener, The Traveler has come! Choose and perish!
     
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  18. SpecFrigateBLK3 Senior Engineer

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    1,133
    Lord Clang, Son of Cthulu. Behold and despair!
     
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  19. ViroMan Senior Engineer

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    1,123
    I choose... Donald Trump.
     
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  20. SpecFrigateBLK3 Senior Engineer

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    1,133
    Fuck outta here with that.
     
    • Agree Agree x 1
  21. Malware Master Engineer

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    9,601
    A bit disappointed noone took the reference yet though :p

    Well, the second reference that is, @SpecFrigateBLK3 took the first idea quickly enough :D
     
  22. SpecFrigateBLK3 Senior Engineer

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    1,133
    Yes, it helped that I had to steer away from some decidedly Lovecraftian prose earlier in thread.
     
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  23. Ronin1973 Master Engineer

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    Clang is REAL... if you watch Xoc's streaming channel you earn Clangers. You know your god is real if he's on your currency.
     
  24. SpecFrigateBLK3 Senior Engineer

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    Really? American currency has "In God We Trust" on it, but uh....
     
  25. Lord Commissar Junior Engineer

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    848
    if you people served the proper machine god, you wouldn't have such problems. instead you pray to Nurgle rather than the Omnissiah, and suffer for it.

    Toll the Great Bell Once!

    Pull the Lever forward to engage the

    Piston and Pump...

    Toll the Great Bell Twice!

    With push of Button fire the Engine

    And spark Turbine into life...

    Toll the Great Bell Thrice!

    Sing Praise to the

    God of All Machines
     
  26. Ronin1973 Master Engineer

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    4,799
    Yeah, cuz American Jesus is real. Duh. :)
     
  27. SpecFrigateBLK3 Senior Engineer

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    1,133
    White Jesus fears Clang.
     
  28. Thrak Junior Engineer

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    Yup. And how arguing about religion inevitably follows.
     
  29. SpecFrigateBLK3 Senior Engineer

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    Arguing on this forum? That never happens! End sarcasm.
     
  30. sammyvoncheese Apprentice Engineer

    Messages:
    151
    More like...

    1. Keen releases untested code.
    2. Clang happens
    3. Goto step 1
     
Thread Status:
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