RP Space Pizzaneers!

Hey guys, welcome to the wild and unpredictable world of Space Pizzaneers!

Chronicled below are the stories and experiences of the staff and customers of the worst pizzeria the galaxy has ever seen! This is the pizza place where the management hates all customers, the kitchen staff doesn't know how to cook, and despite their advertisement for free delivery, nobody owns their own spaceship! The cast of characters is potentially limitless, the rewards for success great, the penalties for failure immense, and the risk of nonspecific peril ever present!

This RP game will differ from most currently present on the RP subforum, mainly because it requires no forethought or planning whatsoever! This is intended to be a lighthearted game to balance out the hard war dramas most prevalent in RP forum games, so expect much silliness. The story, such as it is, is non-existent, and everyone is free to add in a post whenever they feel like. However, even in such a freeform game there must still be rules. By posting in this thread, it is required that you agree to follow the following guidelines:

1. Play nice! This is not to say you can't be mean in character, but all the rules and codes of conduct from the KSH forums still apply here.

2. Stay on topic! Do your best to respond to the events at hand instead of creating plot threads of your own, unless it is otherwise warranted. The game will proceed much more smoothly if it's not a disjointed series of events.

3. Hands off! You cannot control any character that was created by another player. Additionally, you may not kill off any character that does not belong to you, unless that character's owner explicitly allows it.

4. Use player tags! This game is intended to be self-sufficient, and will most likely not have an Out Of Character thread created to coordinate alongside. Therefore, if you need to ask a question or give information out of character, use (( and )) around the out of character text. Anything without said tags will be considered real in-game information.

Aside from that, pretty much anything goes! So, without further ado, Take it away!


---


8:45 A.M. He was over two hours late, but that was normal. Nobody else ever showed up that early either. Who the buggers would ever want to order a pizza at six in the morning, anyway!? As he approached the restaurant, he suspicions were confirmed. All the interior lights were still off, which meant that nobody else had yet shown up. He opened the front doors like he usually did, by bursting into a full sprint from across the parking lot and diving headfirst through the large plate glass front window.

Moments later, he picked himself up off the floor, and shards of glass out from his face, and slowly surveyed the damage now covering the dining area.

Pierce McCoolguy, head chef, had just arrived for work.

 

A small drone floats into the kitchen. And began to speak with a young and annoying female voice. On its side, it had ROSv3 painted in white.

"Just don't mess the order up this time!" A weird insect like creature looked at the drone. He had 4 legs (the 2 main legs came above his head about a foot then came don in front of him, and 2 small rear legs.) and two arms that sat on his chest like a praying mantis.

"Rose. If you stopped pestering them they might get it right." The drone let out a sequence of lights before running away.

"WHY YOU!" The alien grabbed a wrench, ready to destroy the machine that held the A.I. program.

 

((Woah woah guys, slow down a bit. Who are any of these characters, and how did they get into the restaurant before Pierce?

You're free to make up characters as you want, but remember the setting, 8:30 a.m., and the place isn't open yet. Try to keep events in line with the narrative, ok?))

 

A decrepit commuter bus shot past at a speed that could be described as halfway between "breakneck" and "idiotic". A few kilometers past the pizzeria, it screeched to a stop and went into reverse, white lights flashing on the back to warn anyone coming along at light speed that they had just run into a bus.

The doors slid open, and Bobby strolled out with his little sister, Bobby, in no particular hurry despite being so late to work. He didn't seem to hear the driver cursing at him. Something about a bus fare... and... money... or lack of money. Whatever. He wandered across the parking lot, staring in random directions, paying no attention whatsoever to his sister. She, in turn, paid no attention to him, staring intently at her Super-X PlayPal, the handheld holographic game system in her hands. She was on level 203 out of... something... He didn't know... He didn't even know if she knew. He didn't even know what game she was playing. Didn't really matter.

The bus driver finally gave up trying to collect the fare, and sped away at ludicrous speed.

Bobby stepped through the broken window, just like every other day. He bumped his forehead on the top edge of the shattered window, just like every other day. He pulled a bandage from his pocket and slapped it onto his cut forehead, just like every other day. His sister, of course, had ducked.

Man, this was going to be a boring day...

By the way... Bobby looked mostly human, except for the two heads and four arms. Bobby, the left head, seemed to be in his mid-to-late 20s (And still working fast food... How pathetic)... His sister, Bobby, the right head, was about 18, and was currently using the two upper arms to play her Super-X PlayPal.

His boots crunched on the broken glass, and he wandered around behind the counter, putting on his vest with the stupid buttons and supposedly-funny slogans that were supposed to make him look cheerful and friendly.

"Watch it, stupid!" His sister shrieked as the vest momentarily obstructed her view of level 203. "You almost got me killed again!"

"Whatever..." he replied, sitting down on the stool behind the counter and staring mindlessly at the broken window.

 

((Running with things here- Lights were off because the power's out? EDITY EDITING for deleted posts))

8:49am
"Hey der Mac, ya really did a number on our window now, eh? Don't know why ya can't just use da door like da normal folks, ya know? 'Sides, with the power off it's gonna get colder'an a February Calgary breeze."

Graham Canadan (the Canadian) spoke as he shuffled through the broken window toward the kitchen.

After stumbling and knocking a half dozen pizza pans to the floor, Graham let out a reflexive "Sorry" to nobody in particular. He grabbed one of the old order tags from the window and stared at it for at least thirty seconds.

Finally, he looked around again at the dark kitchen and dining areas before saying,

"Oh, and if any a ya got fire breath or something like that, there's orders waiting, dontchaknow. We may be sitting here in da dark, but pizzas don't cook themselves, eh?"

((Not too bright, but eager to please.))

 

((Oh! Forgot about that! Well you could assume ROSv3 could just be there, but I'll start again.))

Soon after Canadian shows himself, a small drone with ROSv3 painted on its side floats out of a corner, turning on its own lights, and begins speaks in a young and annoying female voice.

"Where's bug boy when you need him? I'm only programmed to take orders, not to be an engineers!" A weird insect like creature walks through the broken glass, and looks at the drone. He had 4 legs (the 2 main legs came above his head about a foot then came don in front of him, and 2 small rear legs.) and two arms that sat on his chest like a praying mantis.

"PIERCE! You know this window doesn't fix itself, and I already have to get the generator running! My title my be janitor but I fell more like a handyman! And you stop complaining Rose! You were in a half wreaked shuttle's computer when I found you, so you aren't a waitress by programming!"

 

((Lights are off because nobody's turned them on, the place was closed until Pierce rather abruptly opened it up. Consequently, i still have no idea how anyone's placed an order so far, much less how so many people are showing up without ever actually showing up! There's a lot that goes into opening a restaurant before it can start doing business.

There's silliness in actions undertaken, then there's nonsense in events just not lining up, y'know?))

 

(( Well, Bobby is just sitting behind the counter... I assumed Pierce turned the lights on, but if he didn't, I don't really think Bobby would care enough to do that himself... And his sister's little game system works just fine in the dark.

And yes, Bobby and his significantly-younger sister are actually a single two-headed humanoid... Yeah, I don't understand it either. ))

 

((Ok. How about we start back at when pierce runs through the window?"))

 

Time: 8:50am

With the sun still rising, a small figure walked slowly across the street towards the building. It was almost nine; almost three hours had past since he had first showed up. Stopping just in front of the store, he looked up as a yawn stretched upon his face. With a single eye open, he stared at the shattered glass upon the ground and the broken door. The lights were still off, strange sounds and voices emanating from within.

Most would think that a robbery was in progress, but for those that knew anything about this particular place, they'd be better off rummaging through the dumpster out back. Heck, they might actually find something worth value in it as compared to what they might find inside this place.

Looking down he stared at the piece of paper that he held clutched in his hands. "Delivery jobs available" it said followed by "Must be prompt, willing, and able to work. A good people person and self-driven."

Gripping tightly with claws digging into it, the small feline creature threw the scrap of paper to the ground as he shouted "Yeah! and no animals allowed into your stores! Ya' speciest, racist bastards!".

Grumbling to himself, he trudged forward. "Getting stuck working in this place... ain't even getting paid enough to cover the cost of waking up out of bed."

 

Time 7:55 am
"Ach mist!" <<"Aww crap">> someone with a clear hangover stated as he stumbled onto the street out of a dirty backalley. He was already late for work and after such a load of good Beer after Work Yesterday he had no Idea how he ended up right here.
Swearing and clearing his coat the small silver scaled Dragon walked down the Sidewalk. It wasn't far to his apartement so he decided to stopp by and take a shower before he would head to work. "Wer saufen kann, der kann auch Arbeiten." <<"Who can drink, can also work">> He said to himself after he got clean and put some new clothes over his scales. He had a small 1 Room apartment with integrated bathroom and kitchen but what should he do when he doesn't get much money to begin with. At least he could snack some of the pizza topings when he was at work. After leaving the Apartementbuilding and picking up some coffe from a vending machine, he made his way over to the infamous pizza place.

Time 9:10 am
As his working place came in sight he noticed the hole in the front Window and sighed. He grabed inside his jacket and pulled out a pack of Synth-arrets ((Now with less cloned tobacco and more cancer)) and put one of them into the corner of his Mouth before putting back the pack into his jacket. Well it was good to be his own lighter and so he took the Synth-arrete out of his mouth and ignite it with his firebreath before walking over to the broken Window. "Early again huh boss?" He said casualy leaning onto the window since the front door was still closed. Karl "Zippo" Zip had arrived at work. "And 'mornin Bobby's." He waved over to the two headed thing at the counter.

 

"Pierce! Tha heck man?!" Key shouted as he hopped on one foot trying to cross through the doorway.

Having stepped on a shard of the shattered door, he held his injured foot as he braced against one of the seats that lined the restaurants interior. "Friggin' no good...*mumble* *mumble* Face *mumble* Crowbar."

With the flake of glass removed, he tossed it aside back onto the floor as he looked around to see that most everyone had shown up for work today. There were way too many and even more so was the fact that they were just plain... weird. "I'm the most normal person in here;" he thought to himself "well, as normal as can be anyways."

It was one of the better aspects of the place. Whoever owned it didn't much care about who or WHAT you were... to be honest, it didn't really matter at all, if anything, that the place made any money either.

Looking over as Karl called out, Key turned and shouted "15 feet from the door Smokey!" If there was one rule, it was that there was NO SMOKING in the building. Random fires in the kitchen, oddly enough, were somehow ok though...

(( hah - to Anoth))

 

"Calm your Whiskers, Furball." Karl responded before taking a breath with good ol' Synth-arrette smoke. "Only during working hours ((at least that was his mentality if it comes to smoking)) and i don't see the We are Open sign anywhere... Like Literally where is that dumb thing anyway?" before flinging his Synth-arette away on the side-walk where a cleaning bot sucked it up before catching fire infront of the next building. Maybe Karl should change the Synth-arette brand... He looked through the Window down on the glass covered floor. "Besides, we have now free Air-conditioning." At least for the next hours.

 

Bobby slowly, very slowly, shifted his gaze from a random spot on the wall over to the little creature that had wandered in. "Hey, Zippo." It was the most unenthusiastic greeting in the history of the universe. Well, it was tied for first with numerous others, including pretty much every other time Bobby had greeted anyone. It's not that he didn't care... Because he didn't... It's just... Well, he didn't care.

His sister, as always, completely ignored everyone. She had just finished level 203, and was starting 204.

 

CHRONOMETER READING: 0915
THERMOMETER READING: >0K
BAROMETER READING: BROKEN
LONGITUDE: DATA UNAVAILABLE
LATITUDE: DATA UNAVAILABLE

Sayeh sighed as she walked towards the pizza shop, staring at the readout on her HUD. Her electric-blue hair reflected the sun. Why did I ever take this job. Her name tag read, "Sayeh Zaitani, Hazardous Area Pizza Delivery/Monster Hunter." I was all set! Killing... whatever the hell those pink avian things were, carving them up, selling the parts to the locals. And then I took this job. The hell were you thinking, Self from three years ago! The hell! 'Least my watch works. She continued her trek towards the pizza shop, stopping once she saw the carnage at the front. She sighed again. "Should... We put a new pane in that window?" She queried as she, unlike everyone else, it seemed, seeing as it was still locked, stepped through the front door. "And please, Pierce, stop using the window as a door. We have a door for a reason, and glass isn't cheap." Her armoured boots crunched the glass as she walked across the floor. She paused, and looked down. "Someone should clean that up, too." She resumed walking towards the counter, and sat on a stool, waiting for the first customer.

 

Walking from the back room closet with a broom dragging behind him and a dust pan in his hands, Key barely stood three feet tall making his steps rather awkward.

"This is it! The Last time I'm doing this." He snapped as he shuffled past the others. "And Pierce! I've just been in touch with the glass repair company, next time you do this you might want to wear a hard hat!" He shouted from the front of the store to where Pierce was; wherever he may have disappeared to. Somewhere along the lines, a sinister, toothy grin appeared upon his face at the commented to himself. "Heheh, lets see what happens when you try running through reinforced bulletproof glass."

As he was nearly ready to laugh himself maniacally, he snapped back to reality. "Aye Sayeh, I need some cardboard and tape; could you grab that for me from the back?"

 

Sayeh hopped down off of the stool, landing with a small thunk, the servo-actuators in her armour whirring. She glared at Key, before whirling around and walking into the back, grabbing the nearest source of cardboard, a stack of pizza boxes, and the dowel with rolls of duct tape hanging over a box of more rolls of duct tape. She frowned, looking into the box. This keeps up, we might need more duct tape. She walked back out, carrying the boxes and tape with her. As she came back into the main room, she sighed again, and walked through the room, asking, "Hey Key, want these over by the, uh, used-to-be-a-window? Also, have you thought about replacing the pane with bulletproof glass?" Without waiting for a response, she set the tape and pizza boxes on a table by the window, and headed back to her stool, awkwardly trying to sit cross-legged on a stool in power armour.
((I totally want to see Pierce try the same thing tomorrow. And slam his head into bulletproof glass. And break it..?))

 

Key was mostly calm and collected as he began patching the hole made in the glass. However, Sayeh's comment regarding bulletproof glass brought with it a bout of uncontrollable laughter. Crazed or maniacal, take your pick; but it was far from pleasant. After a couple seconds of this he stopped suddenly and finished this evil laughter with a dramatic pose as he balled a fist and said in prophetic tone "It is already done. By this time tomorrow, we shall have ourselves a new chef." Turning back to her, he was suddenly back to normal as he added casually, "Incidentally, someone might need to order some cleaning supplies for the pool of blood and stains we'll have to clean up."

((ok fixed that one ...So wait, who's the poor sob managing this store?... So... Manager Position Available!))

 

((Head chef, not manager.))
Sayeh sighed. Again. ((She does that a lot)). Why the hell did I take this job. It's a pizzeria. With a three-foot-tall psychopathic janitor.... Cat. "We're also running low on duct tape. Only half the box is left." ((Somehow, I imagine, this pace runs through A LOT of duct tape in a day.)) She stretched, and got down off the stool, walking outside behind the pizzeria to where the delivery cars were parked. Most of them were in various states of disrepair, except for her large, stripped out hovertank. That one was in good repair, and she prided herself on that. It looked as pristine as the day it came off the factory. Except for, well, all the guns. Instead, it had small pintle-mounted plasma gun for scaring off the beasties. Bandits, too, if they decided to attack her. And because plasma guns are cool. She walked over to it, and started running down the checklist of things that could go (and had most of them had gone) wrong.

 

Before Key could finish the patching, a small drone flew threw it with ROSv3 painted on it's side. Everyone called the drone "Rose" do to its female programming, and she was usually the desk clerk. Rose turned to Key and spoke with a young and annoying voice.
"Pierce bust through the window again?" She thought for a moment then spoke again.
"I also may have found someone willing to deliver pizza to Metroids"

 

Meanwhile, in the walk-in freezer

"Let's see... Pepperoni... Check. Peppers... Check. Dragassi Drault... Check. Bacon... Hmm... Where could the bacon be, eh? Maybe it's over der..."

*creeeeaak* *SLAM*

"Awww, shoot! And I was just about done too! Boy, I hope someone comes by soon or we'll never get this order out on time."

Graham Canadan (the Canadian) found himself locked in the freezer (again), trying to fill an old order (again). It's lucky his parka was always on, else he'd freeze an' dey'd have ta stick him next ta da Drault blob an' put him on da menu, ya know?

Graham began softly knocking on the freezer door, hoping someone comes along, knowing that it's probably going to be a while.

((Maybe he'll finally end up finding the bacon while he's in there? And not the "Canadian Bacon" either- nobody orders that stuff here))

 

Karl was just standing there, watching as the two fixed the broken Window. "So much for air conditioning..." He said with a sigh before looking over to Rose.
"Don't mention those space jelly-fish... That poor boy we've send there was never been found." He said and walked over to the entrance door. "At least they've send the Pizza back that day."
The small Dragon pulled out a Keychain with exactly three keys and unlocked the front door. Being always the last to leave the Place had his benefits.
"Well, time to turn on the Oven. The first maniacs with wierd desires should call any minute now." He said walking over to the Kitchen seeing Graham stumble inside the Fridge.
"Realy? Again?" He said, walking over to the Oven. They might make the worst Pizza in the Universe but at least they made it in a real italian stone plate oven, wich means open fire and who would be more suited to ignite such a fire then a Dragon?

Karl climbed onto a conveniently placed chair, put a foot on a pedal to release some fresh burning material into the oven and took a deep breath. It was always a sight to behold as the little Dragon ignited the Oven, with a simple turn of one of the Key's on his Keychain. The Oven stuttered like an old Car Engine until a warm glowing flame ignited the burning material.
He released his breath and walked over to the Fridge to get the Canadian out of it. "You know, only becouse your Homeland is friggin cold doesn't mean you have to put yourself in the Fridge every now and then."

 

Bobby stared blankly at the repair crew, showing about as much interest as he did in anything else... In other words, it was just the tiniest bit better than staring at the wall. He propped one elbow on the counter and rested his head, ostensibly waiting for the first customers to arrive.

His sister continued to ignore everyone, entirely focused on level 204.

 

Rose looked at Karl from the cash register, her one camera eye had two metal plates move over it like an upper eyelid. I gave her a sad appearance.

"Yeah. But this guy said something about not having an appetizing life force, or something like that." She then noticed Bobby at the corner. Two small graspers came out from under her small, 2 foot long, floating body, and she grabbed a holo-pad. Rose then flew towards Bobby's table.

"Can I get you anything, sir?"

 

Pierce had been standing still for a good...20, 30 minutes? Perhaps he had lost way more blood than he had anticipated. The repeated smashing entries must be taking their tolls, finally. Just as quickly as he had froze, he sprung back to life, spinning to face each of the faces in the dining area that had appeared during his present absence.

"Bobby! I swear, if you're off your medication again, I'm going to force feed you soda until you're so hyped up you grow your own body! Bobby! The vault combination is under the door mat at the start of the level!"

"Zip! I sure as hell hope you remembered to reseal that gas leak before you relit the oven again!"

"Rose! No serving employees until after the lunch rush is over! You know that!"

"Graham! The only order still up is the one from Mr. Henderson, and that one was put in three weeks ago! Consequently, would SOMEBODY please remove the corpse of Mr. Henderson!?" He pointed directly at the somewhat-decomposed body wearing a birthday party hat tucked away in the corner booth.

"You! New hire!" He swiveled around to Key. "Due to the untimely demise of our previous manager, the aforementioned Mr. Henderson, it looks like we're gonna need a new one! That's you! Congratulations on the promotion! You'll find everything you need in the manager's office!"

He put his fists to his hips and gave a definitive nod. Things were going to get back to normal around here, or his name wasn't Pierce McCoolguy!

He proceeded to wobble slightly, then fell face first back down into the shards of glass as he passed out.

---

OOE:
Pierce snaps to life.
Pierce berates most everybody.
Pierce promotes Key to manager.
Pierce blacks out.
---

((I think it would do all of us some good if we explained a bit about each of our characters OOC in the next round of posts. I have no idea what most of you want your positions to be as employees at SP.))

 

(( Uh, SF, Bobby's behind the counter, at the cash register... Not at a table.... He's the idiotic cashier )

Bobby slowly turned his gaze to Rose, giving the slightest "Huh?"... Guess the robot was malfunctioning again. Then the chef said something about medication... Wait, was that the thing he forgot to do this morning? Eh, whatever... "Whatever," he said, repeating his own inner voice.

The younger Bobby yelled back at Pierce, "I know that, stupid!" She was about halfway through level 204, and going strong... She might have forgotten the vault combination, but damned if she's going to admit it!

(( Ok, recap on my ridiculous character... Bobby is humanoid, but with two heads and four arms. The left head, Bobby, is the older brother (In his late 20s), who works as the soft-spoken, nihilistic cashier. He might be quiet and clever, but he's probably just an idiot. The right head, looking about ten years younger, is his sister Bobby, who doesn't work here. She usually uses the upper two arms, while he uses the lower two... Except sometimes they switch. ))

 

((Zip is somewhat employed but not with a clear job description. He takes care of the oven, sometimes helps cooking if there are many orders or makes deliveries late at night since he's the last to leave the Pizza Place for whatever reason (wich is also why he has a key to the place). To his appearance, he's just like one of my regular Dragons just with silver scales and blue eyes and also breathes fire naturaly. If everything is in order he mostly lingers around somewhere inside the place or goes outside to smoke. Also he likes to swear in German... Thats mostly it what you need to know about him i gues.))

 

"Manager position?" Key recited. "I'll have dominion over others. I'll hold their lives in my very clutches" He added with fretful glee and a smile. As soon as it appeared, it was gone. "Wait... that's not going to interfere with my schedule is it? I still get my twelve one hour breaks during the day right?" Hey Pierce!, right?!"... Looking to the motionless body upon the floor there was only mild concern. Mostly from his own question not being answered. "Hey, someone should kick him for good measure. Remember, if he doesn't make it he's going into the next batch of peperoni." There was pause "Your manager has spoken!"

Nearly forgetting Rose, Key turned to her. "So uh... what about that place? Did they find the body? At the very least we need to get our shirt back. Red Shirts are hard to come by and we need it for the next poor sap- I mean delivery person. I did try to warn him though that there's a 95% mortality rating but I thought he was just being nervous when he laughed about it... now that I think about it I don't think he believed me."

 

Rose looked at Pierce.
"Sorry. I think this new frame's messing with my neural-system. Bobby. I'll get you and your sister something after lunch. That is if she ever looks up from that thing." She then turned to Key.
"Well Key, or boss. I think a bounty hunter found a shirt, buuut we won't want it back." Rose the showed a hologram of the shirt, torn and tattered.
"Haha...yeah. Anyway, this guy's some insectoid being. Maybe he's too hard headed for a Metroid to handle." Rose then landed on the counter.

 

((This looks like it could be fun, but I'm not sure how much time I could spare. Mind if I play as a customer (so I`m not obligated to stick around)? Could my character know some of the staff?

By the way, does Space Engineers physics apply to this little game? In other words, if my character died, could he respawn at a medbay?))